Past Lives: Closure, What-Ifs, and Whatnot

Perhaps it was the way they stared into each other’s eyes in silence before the uber arrived. Perhaps it was the way she walked back home just to break down crying, marking the end of this beautiful, serene, yet heart-wrenching masterpiece of a movie. By the time the credits started to roll, I was left with this agonizing feeling of being lost and being seen at the same time. I felt empty, as if it was my heart and thoughts that were on display for thousands to watch. It was like looking at a screen where my late night wistful scenario is playing.

Appreciation and gratitude for Celine Song’s directorial debut are truly in order.

Past Lives successfully wrapped concepts like first love, fate, and destiny into a realistic, non-fairy-tale-like story. First love is often portrayed in films as something you will always go back to, with many who prefer it as the endgame, thus creating the fairy-tale-like epidemic on screen. It’s often seen as “the one” person who will always be at the other end of the line, a cherished part of the main character’s self that needs to come back in order for the story to be complete. Honestly, it was a relief to see that this was not the case with Past Lives.

For Hae-Sung, it was not the matter of finding out whether it is meant to be or not, but rather accepting that it is not. The Na-Young he once knew was no more than a small part of his childhood that he let go of without a proper goodbye, the Na-Young who left. Fate may have brought them together, but people go through different paths to be where they’re destined to be, and as heartbreaking as that may sound, it is natural.

Hae-Sung, I believe, was never destined to stay in the past. People live their life the way they should and could — some content, some unsatisfied, and some cursed with the burden of longing. The latter, unfortunately, is the destiny Hae-Sung chose to live with, at least for a good 20 years.

Seeking closure can be a dangerous game. Yearning, on the other hand, is a knife planted deep, piercing through the guts. Hae-Sung even said it himself; unbeknownst to him, liking Na-Young’s husband would hurt the way it did. Although the idea of seeking closure from a married ex may not be appealing to a number of audiences, the journey of finding the answer to the occasional “What-ifs” is something that a lot of people may resonate with. At least I know I did.

Consider yourself lucky if your mind never does that thing where it runs around in circles, pondering the same set of questions for hours on end. Had I done it differently, where would we be today? Did I dodge a bullet? Was it a mistake? Did they feel the same?

Nothing good ever comes out of repeating the same questions and creating the same, slightly different every time, scenarios. It takes a great amount of yearning to stay that way for a long period of time. However, it takes that same amount of yearning, and a whole lot of courage to get out of your head and find the truth. Hae-Sung did what some of us could only imagine doing. He did what he was supposed to do years ago, even with the knowledge that resurrecting what they once had is no longer in the cards.

Courage manifests in a lot of ways and Past Lives is proof of this. Not only could it mean flying thousands of miles for someone you feel haunted by, but also accepting that in their reality, there is not a place where you could fit. You can’t afford them just as much as they can’t afford having you in their life anymore.

Acceptance is often a difficult task, although necessary to move forward in life. At the end of the day, all that’s left to do is to accept that things had to happen the way they did. Heart will break but the head needs to remember: what is meant to be yours will find its way, but what isn’t will also find its escape. It’s a simple and popular saying, yet I need to be reminded of that a lot. I am sure a lot of people do too.

Maybe there will always be a certain person, place, or memory that will always reside in the back of your mind. You will find yourself wanting to work overtime to get rid of them, you will want to run to their place and ask if it was all in your head. Whether you end up as Hae-Sung, the one who goes out of their way to seek an answer even when it’s too late, or Na-Young, the one who moves on with her chosen destiny, just keep in mind that things have to happen the way they do. Every time. Without fail.

Past Lives becomes a reminder that a story had to unfold in a certain way because it’s written in the stars, but so much is written in the stars, and fate has a funny way of showing you just that.